Tis the season...

[draggonlaady]

For things to die.
This week alone, we've had 2 colic horses that died, one of which was a long-time patient we've done a lot of work on. Euthanized a cat that was attacking the owner's grandkids, I did an at-home euthanasia of a really nice older dog on Monday. I've just heard from a client that one of our favorite regular boarders (an older Newfoundland) died at home about an hour ago, and I'm scheduled to euthanize an elderly boxer this afternoon, who's been enthusiastically and happily starving himself for weeks. I've been talking to a couple with a dog in kidney failure daily this week, and expecting to euthanize it at anytime--they're just trying to nurse her through the next few days so they don't have to kill her on Christmas. Yay. Happy Holidays, everybody.

November 28/30 + one client

Comments

[sagaciouslu.livejournal.com]

Blessings of the Season for you and your family dear lady. There are people who are thankful that you are there to help ease the passing of their friends.

Be well. And know that you are appreciated...

[fr33f0x.livejournal.com]

Hmm. How does it feel to take a life with purpose and clear intent. How does it feel to prepare everything, knowing that you are going to end all the experiences, sensations of a living, aware being? How does it feel afterwards? Does it change with time, become a routine, or does something, hmm, you know, intense, present remain every time you do it?
(Don't get me wrong, no hidden judgement intended. Just wondering what it feels like, when it is done with such, hmm, premeditation and dispassion.)

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

Most of the time? It feels like hell. I mean, there are certainly those that you know it's time; that euthanasia really is "the good death", and those tear me up inside less. Premeditated it may be, but I assure you that it's not dispassionate. Some of these are animals that I've known and treated for years, and owners that I've gotten to know and now I'm not only killing the one, I'm also trying to comfort the other through their grief and loss. This is exactly why there is such a huge burn-out rate for veterinary workers. It sucks ass. I cry with the owners, and/or come home and cry. Hell, now you're making me think about the euthanasia I did at 1 AM the other night and I may start tearing up again...
Part of how I keep ending up with rescue fosters is that these are individuals that ARE fixable, and would be put away for financial reasons or things going on in the owner's life that aren't a direct issue for the dog, and I'm willing to put my time and money into it to avoid killing them.

[fr33f0x.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Yeah, "impassionate" was the wrong word. I mean, like, I've struck with the clear intent to kill, out of rage or in defense. But then murder was what was in my heart, right? When you kill, it's not cuz you desire it really, but cuz it's a necessary means to an end, right? So, you heart is, well, set on something else.
I killed for food, like, rabbit, and fish, and so on. I intendet for death then of course, but not as a means to itself. But then, the rabbits and fish didn't have names, and I hadn't known them before or anything. So, I was curious what it is like for you.
Being a doc. Strange thought. What was it that made you chose that? The closest I know is taking care of the bairn and, like, being a friend, and sometimes having to make choices for those I love, you know, even if they don't like them or even if they are tough choices. But that's more, like, moral choices I suppose. Medicine is science - or so I think - so you have, like, real guidlines. Knowledge, not best guesses. Facts, not intuition. Like, Data, not Lore, lol...

(And sorry if my questions hurt you.)

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

As much as possible, I try for it to be the last good thing we can do for the pet. I will refer people to rescues or trainers rather than perform "convenience" euthanasia (and have actually flat told at least one person "no, I will not kill that cat just because he's the wrong color. If you didn't want a black cat, you shouldn't have taken it." I then took the cat [with her permission] and found it a home where it's actually liked.). Most of the animals I kill are very sick, or very old and in chronic pain. Which makes it... not good, I guess, for me, but tolerable. There's a reason. At what point in a progressive disease that choice comes varies greatly though. Some owners opt euthanasia as soon as an incurable disease is diagnosed. Many will treat until the animal is uncomfortable/ill acting more than 50% of the time. Some want every possible minute we can eke out. I can't make that decision on when for them. So (past the diagnosing point) it's not all science-y; it's a lot of communication and offering choices, then abiding by the choice the owner makes.

The rescues I bring home are almost always critters that were going to be killed that I didn't/couldn't stomach doing. On the other hand, I have the luxury of eating meat which I didn't have to kill. And I do like the taste of meat. So... just a little bundle of conflicts am I!

[fr33f0x.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know all the reasons for euthanasia, though I think if one is honest in the end it does remain a question of convenience - with almost any creature there are almost always some options remaining to just alleviate the pain or to provide some pleasure, that gives each further day, each further hour some meaning, before that long sleep of oblivion. It's just that at some point we usually don't want to be bothered with it anymore, when the effort becomes too great, or, I think more often than not, because it is US, who are on the outside, who cannot stand the suffering anymore. I mean, I know that there are exceptions, where immediate death is a grace, but I sometimes think they are far less than we'd like to think.
I remember when my sister was dying, how she clung to each moment, how in those days that the firm ground of life around her melted away, until she was balancing on a tiny outcropping above that vast gulf, and there was still instances of a smile, of a happy thought, of some meaningful communication, or just some comfort, and how she'd, I dunno, would eat them up, cramming herself as long as she still was able to... Maybe I was selfish, but I hated the docs and my mum fr every decision they made to shorten her days, for every treatment not attempted, for every machine not employed. I know it's a balancing act of kindnesses and necessities, but I always came down on the side of more time. Life is more than pain and pleasure, it is experience, any kind of experience, against nothingness. She was gone soon enough and will be forever. Each second was a treasure. But one dearly paid for, that's true. Certainly more than one would invest in a pet...
But I am glad to hear that it tears you up inside, even when you deem it necessary or a kindness. I mean, not that I wish you pain or anything, but it shouldn't ever be easy, should it?
(Listen to me talk, as if I hadn't been willing to toss it all away more than once. You're not the only one with these conflictes, my dear. ;)

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

I don't know, really. I mean, is it worth keeping a dog alive but so drugged on pain meds that it's barely aware of anything and is essentially unconscious, because otherwise it's in pain? A choice that each person has to make for themselves, I guess. And some owners do choose that, and I can't say they're wrong.

As for getting easy; you're exactly right and I tell people that on a regular basis. When putting away your pet becomes an easy decision, it is time to stop having pets.