Again with the waking me up for no reason!

[draggonlaady]

The other day, I got a message from the receptionist that someone'd called with a ferret question while I was in an appointment. I called back at about 4:30 in the afternoon.

Turns out that the person who called not only doesn't own the ferrets, she effectively knows nothing about them...even basic things like are they male or female ferrets. So I tell her that I can't give her any useful answers unless I know more about the situation. Please have the actual owner call me. She asks what prices for an exam, and what price for euthanasia and says she'll have the owner call.

At six o-fucking-clock the next morning, the owner calls me on the emergency phone. Wants to know how much it costs to euthanize a ferret, because she's "done everything" and the ferret's just in "horrible pain" and on and on. Says the ferret is constipated, which, while possible, is rather unlikely--it's much more likely that it's had diarrhea and is just straining because it's irritated. Apparently her "everything" includes giving the ferret enemas but not actually bothering to have a (gasp!) doctor examine the ferret. Also she doesn't see any possible correlation to feeding the ferret cat food instead of ferret food and it having GI problems. (Can't be the problem...he's been eating that food for years. Yeah. And smoking can't be causing your cough, you've been smoking for years now and the cough's new, right?)

When I ask her if she really thinks this is a six o'clock in the morning thing, because at six a euthanasia costs $75, she busts out crying. I explain that during office hours, it's $7.50. She wants to make an appointment. I point out that I'm at home. in bed. i don't have the appointment book. I suggest she call back after 8:00. She starts crying again. Between sobs, she says her sister's coming into town at 8:00 and she just wants to know if she should bring the ferret with her. I explain that I'm sure we'll have time to euthanize the ferret today, but I don't know WHAT TIME because I don't have the appointment book. She can certainly show up at 8:00, but she might have to wait a few minutes. She sobbingly apologizes for waking me up and hangs up (another one, by the way, who never bothered to tell me her name).

Shortly after 8:00, she calls the clinic and talks to the receptionist, who mistakenly quotes her the price for a dog euthanasia. Woman freaks out, yells at receptionist, and hangs up.

At about 9:00, she calls back again. I answer the phone, tell her the price again, and set up an appointment...for 11:15. I offered several earlier appointments, because I thought she was kind of in a hurry, what with the calling at 6:00 on the emergency line and all. She wanted that time.

She never showed up.

Comments

[funranium.livejournal.com]

See...I just got to discuss gay marriage and SF Gay Pride Week at explosives test facility with "salt of the earth" who were not at all approving. I managed to find a good fiscal argument for allowing it that involved bestiality and Kaiser Permanente.

You don't get to have all the fun.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

You what? Do please to be transcribing this argument and posting? PLEASE?

[insaneraven.livejournal.com]

I got to explain the uh...Cost of me unlocking a user account...Uh...cost of you forgetting your password...Uh...

Yeah, I got nothing.

So, Uh....How much is it to euthanise a um...bull...um...sting ray?

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

Depends on how much your sting ray weighs. also how far i have to drive to do it... cuz it's $3 a mile (one way) and from here to where you are that's a BIG mileage bill :P

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to think that possession of anything more complex than a goldfish should require a license.

And not just for Deinonychuses (Deinonychi? Iono.)

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

i have no idea what deinonychus is, sorry. and too lazy to look it up before i go to work this morning.

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

Sorry, it was a bit of a tangent.

Anyway, a Deinonychus is a close relative of the Velociraptor, only larger. In fact, the Velocioraptors in the Jurassic Park movies were more like Deinonychus, primarily because they're not the size of a large turkey.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

well, they might have been REALLY large turkeys. Turkeys of Unusual Size even...

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

Well, most turkeys don't eat you for Thanksgiving.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

I'm sure they would if they were the ones with the carving knives.

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

Turkeys aren't really renowned for their tool-using prowess, though.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

that does not make my point less valid :P

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

Well, yes it does. How can an animal that can't use tools do anything with a carving knife?

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

Uh huh.

Do dogs and cats use tools?

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

Not that I know of.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

And yet my dog can do many things generally assumed to require tool-using ability and/or opposable thumbs. So I'm sure that a turkey (or a flock of turkeys) given the opportunity could accomplish eating a human.

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

I think the human might have to be incapacitated first, animals bred for meat aren't the nimblest creatures around.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

YOU have obviously never been attacked by a chicken or a cow. They are 1: fast, 2: fucking mean, and 3: nimble as hell. And while I'm pretty sure the cows wouldn't have eaten me, I do think that if the rooster had gotten the better of me, the flock WOULD have. Chickens'll eat anything.

[evil-egg.livejournal.com]

I think perhaps I should bow to superior experience.

[sphynx-again.livejournal.com]

I got yelled at on the phone yesterday by a lady who's rabbit is horribly sick, and he would get better if only she had some antibiotics. But nobody will give her antibiotics without seeing the rabbit, and she's too poor to take the rabbit to the vet. I explain to her that it's against the law to prescribe a controlled substance without seeing the patient. "Yeah, I just thought you'd know someone who would do it anyway." Sorry, I don't know anyone who's willing to do something illegal for someone they don't know. And we at the shelter aren't even vets, so we certainly can't help. (As a matter of fact, we DO have antibiotics at the shelter that we routinely give out to adoptees, particularly for kittens with URI, but I wasn't going to tell her that!)

So then she yells at me, saying that her rabbit is just going to have to die because nobody will give her antibiotics.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

Yaup. See my previous rant about people trying to guilt trip me into giving them free service...
Did you tell her that she could release the rabbit to the shelter if she can't afford to take care of it?

[sphynx-again.livejournal.com]

She actually lived in Washington, so we couldn't take it anyway. When I told her to contact the Pullman shelter, she just said "They won't help me either." Whatever that meant. Most likely they either don't take rabbits in general, don't have room for a rabbit currently, or require a surrender fee. Or she didn't really want to surrender the rabbit, she felt she could take care of it just fine on her own if only someone would provide her with antibiotics.

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

Which points towards not only stupid, but selfish. Gotta love people.

[hyllian.livejournal.com]

I'm finding a parallel with people where I work. Except its with their Family memebers. One quote that shocked me "Just throw a bandage On it. I'm tired, and don't want to be here. No, my son doesn't need any shots or pain meds. it'll teach him to be a mad." his son had a broken leg. Needless to say, we sent him out of the ER and home.

[hyllian.livejournal.com]

Man, not Mad...

[draggonlaady.livejournal.com]

i didn't know you were working in the ER. sucks to be you ;)

[hyllian.livejournal.com]

hehehe...at least I can be an ass hole when I want to be. I have decreased my empathy by about 50 percent, so I am more willing to take chances. It is a good thing being an ass!!!!