More Stupid People Stories
Jul. 8th, 2006 05:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
draggonlaadyMet a wonderful example of people who shouldn't have pets today.
Woman came in with a chow/wolf mix and wanted me to check his ears and skin. I honestly can't remember her name, so I'll just call her Ditz. We'll call the dog Beast, because he was. Ditz says we may have to sedate him because he growls at people. Right off we figure if the owner says he growls, we're sedating the shit out of him because he probably tries to eat people for breakfast daily and she just didn't want him to sound as bad as he is, for fear we won't look at him at all.
So we sedate him for half again his weight before we even start looking at him. Even so, it took 3 people to hold him down so I could clean his ear out. And he managed to urinate on one tech, spray anal glands on another, snag the third on the belly with his feet--tearing her shirt and just missing her belly button ring. While we're in the midst of this, Ditz manages to sneak past the receptionist and wander back into the treatment area, where I try as politely as I can to tell her to go the hell away, because as soon as Beast sees her, he starts screaming and struggling even harder. We get his ear flushed out, and I go up to talk to the woman about his skin issues.
I explain that his skin problem is because he has such thick hair that it's trapping grass seeds and sticks against his skin, and he needs to be brushed daily, and it would really help to clip his hair short every spring. She tells me that she brushes him regularly but not daily (the dog is COVERED in mats). I repeat that he should be brushed daily. She wanders off on a tangent about how thick and woolly his hair is and how hard it is to brush, and that's pretty typical of wolves. White wolves have more under-cover, you know, she read that in one of her "wolf books". I repeat that he should be brushed daily. She tells me how the dog used to just run loose because he's a good dog and he stays home but now he has to be on a chain and he didn't used to have skin problems and do i think the ear infection is because he's chained up? Husband is behind her saying that the dog had skin problems last year when he ran loose too. I once again explain that the problem is the thick coat, and SHE SHOULD BRUSH THE DAMN DOG DAILY.
Then Ditz asks me about getting a rabies vaccination because the dog chases deer all the time (I thought he was chained up?!) and she doesn't want him to get rabies from a deer. I explain that we don't have rabies in anything but bats around here, and the chances of his getting it are quite miniscule. We can vaccinate the dog for rabies, but because he's part wolf...at which point Ditz interrupts with "he's almost completely wolf"... because he's part wolf, that doesn't legally protect her or him if he bites someone, which is the primary reason we vaccinate dogs around here. She wants to know how much that costs, I tell her, and she says so that'll protect him forever, right? She's shocked and horrified when I explain that he'd need a booster in a year and then every 3 years after that, and that we do not have any vaccines that are a single shot that lasts for life. She vacillates for about 10 minutes on whether or not she wants a rabies shot. Meanwhile, my techs are still struggling to hold the damn Beast down in case we have to vaccinate him.
While Ditz wishy-washes about the rabies vaccine, I ask if she wants a distemper vaccine booster. "Well he got all his shots when he was a puppy, so he doesn't need any more, right?" No, Ditz, we have NO vaccines that are good for life. He was due for a booster 3 years ago. Do you want one? "Well I thought he just needed his puppy shots and he was good for life" No, Ditz, we DO NOT have ANY vaccines that are good for life. Well fine, go ahead and give him the two shots. So you want the distemper AND the rabies? no, no, not the rabies, there's no point in that if it doesn't protect him. Then what second shot are you talking about? Well just the distemper then. Fine. I holler into the back, give him a distemper and let him up.
Meanwhile, Ditz wants to know if we can do a semen evaluation on the Beast because he's bred 2 bitches and made no puppies. I explain that with as pissed and stressed as he is right now, there's no way we'd get a decent sample, no matter how much sperm he makes. If she really wants us to check his semen she'll have to bring him back some other day, and it would really help if she brings a bitch in heat at the same time, so we can tease him with her. "Well he's already bred them." That doesn't matter, we want to have one here so that we can use her to get him excited so we can get a sample. "Well how does that work?" (Oh my god. the woman breeds these things and doesn't realize that being around a bitch in heat gets males excited?!?) So I explain that we either need to have a bitch in heat so we can get a sample, or someone basically has to masturbate the dog, because it's not like we can just hand him a girly mag and a cup and say come back out when you're done (no, not in those words). And given how uncooperative the dog is, I really don't think he'd appreciate someone just trying to take a sample from him. So if you want us to do this, bring a bitch in heat in too. "So I'd actually have to bring the bitch in at the same time?" YES!!!! Jesus woman, what the hell did you think I was trying to tell you for the last 5 minutes?! "Oh, well I don't know if I want to do that, we might just wait another couple years and see if he gets them pregnant. Wolves don't really become potent until they're 5 or 6 you know, I read that in one of my 'wolf books'." I didn't bother to argue the point that I've known several wolves and wolf mixes that were making puppies by the time they were 2 years old, because it would really make my life ever so much happier if the Beast never became a father. And if Beast is representative of her dogs, I don't think I'd want her bitches raising pups either.
So we finally sort out what we're doing today and what we're not, give the dog his vaccine and treat his ear and let him off the table. Then comes the getting money from Ditz and Husband. Bill is $126.83. Ditz has $100, Husband has $20. Long discussion about borrowing money from husband and she'll pay him back and he doesn't have any more cash on him and it's not that he doesn't trust her to pay him back, it's that he doesn't have it. So Ditz wants to know if we can bill her. No, we want paid. You were told that when you made the appointment in the first place, and reminded again when you rescheduled, and you knew it when you dropped the dog off. We take checks and credit cards too. So Ditz ransacks her purse and starts counting change. The receptionist repeats the total amount at least 6 times and the woman cannot seem to grasp the concept of eighty-three cents. She counts to $.60 3 times before the receptionist takes the change and counts it out for her. We finally get the whole crew of insanity out the door 40 minutes after we were supposed to be closed for the day.
Woman came in with a chow/wolf mix and wanted me to check his ears and skin. I honestly can't remember her name, so I'll just call her Ditz. We'll call the dog Beast, because he was. Ditz says we may have to sedate him because he growls at people. Right off we figure if the owner says he growls, we're sedating the shit out of him because he probably tries to eat people for breakfast daily and she just didn't want him to sound as bad as he is, for fear we won't look at him at all.
So we sedate him for half again his weight before we even start looking at him. Even so, it took 3 people to hold him down so I could clean his ear out. And he managed to urinate on one tech, spray anal glands on another, snag the third on the belly with his feet--tearing her shirt and just missing her belly button ring. While we're in the midst of this, Ditz manages to sneak past the receptionist and wander back into the treatment area, where I try as politely as I can to tell her to go the hell away, because as soon as Beast sees her, he starts screaming and struggling even harder. We get his ear flushed out, and I go up to talk to the woman about his skin issues.
I explain that his skin problem is because he has such thick hair that it's trapping grass seeds and sticks against his skin, and he needs to be brushed daily, and it would really help to clip his hair short every spring. She tells me that she brushes him regularly but not daily (the dog is COVERED in mats). I repeat that he should be brushed daily. She wanders off on a tangent about how thick and woolly his hair is and how hard it is to brush, and that's pretty typical of wolves. White wolves have more under-cover, you know, she read that in one of her "wolf books". I repeat that he should be brushed daily. She tells me how the dog used to just run loose because he's a good dog and he stays home but now he has to be on a chain and he didn't used to have skin problems and do i think the ear infection is because he's chained up? Husband is behind her saying that the dog had skin problems last year when he ran loose too. I once again explain that the problem is the thick coat, and SHE SHOULD BRUSH THE DAMN DOG DAILY.
Then Ditz asks me about getting a rabies vaccination because the dog chases deer all the time (I thought he was chained up?!) and she doesn't want him to get rabies from a deer. I explain that we don't have rabies in anything but bats around here, and the chances of his getting it are quite miniscule. We can vaccinate the dog for rabies, but because he's part wolf...at which point Ditz interrupts with "he's almost completely wolf"... because he's part wolf, that doesn't legally protect her or him if he bites someone, which is the primary reason we vaccinate dogs around here. She wants to know how much that costs, I tell her, and she says so that'll protect him forever, right? She's shocked and horrified when I explain that he'd need a booster in a year and then every 3 years after that, and that we do not have any vaccines that are a single shot that lasts for life. She vacillates for about 10 minutes on whether or not she wants a rabies shot. Meanwhile, my techs are still struggling to hold the damn Beast down in case we have to vaccinate him.
While Ditz wishy-washes about the rabies vaccine, I ask if she wants a distemper vaccine booster. "Well he got all his shots when he was a puppy, so he doesn't need any more, right?" No, Ditz, we have NO vaccines that are good for life. He was due for a booster 3 years ago. Do you want one? "Well I thought he just needed his puppy shots and he was good for life" No, Ditz, we DO NOT have ANY vaccines that are good for life. Well fine, go ahead and give him the two shots. So you want the distemper AND the rabies? no, no, not the rabies, there's no point in that if it doesn't protect him. Then what second shot are you talking about? Well just the distemper then. Fine. I holler into the back, give him a distemper and let him up.
Meanwhile, Ditz wants to know if we can do a semen evaluation on the Beast because he's bred 2 bitches and made no puppies. I explain that with as pissed and stressed as he is right now, there's no way we'd get a decent sample, no matter how much sperm he makes. If she really wants us to check his semen she'll have to bring him back some other day, and it would really help if she brings a bitch in heat at the same time, so we can tease him with her. "Well he's already bred them." That doesn't matter, we want to have one here so that we can use her to get him excited so we can get a sample. "Well how does that work?" (Oh my god. the woman breeds these things and doesn't realize that being around a bitch in heat gets males excited?!?) So I explain that we either need to have a bitch in heat so we can get a sample, or someone basically has to masturbate the dog, because it's not like we can just hand him a girly mag and a cup and say come back out when you're done (no, not in those words). And given how uncooperative the dog is, I really don't think he'd appreciate someone just trying to take a sample from him. So if you want us to do this, bring a bitch in heat in too. "So I'd actually have to bring the bitch in at the same time?" YES!!!! Jesus woman, what the hell did you think I was trying to tell you for the last 5 minutes?! "Oh, well I don't know if I want to do that, we might just wait another couple years and see if he gets them pregnant. Wolves don't really become potent until they're 5 or 6 you know, I read that in one of my 'wolf books'." I didn't bother to argue the point that I've known several wolves and wolf mixes that were making puppies by the time they were 2 years old, because it would really make my life ever so much happier if the Beast never became a father. And if Beast is representative of her dogs, I don't think I'd want her bitches raising pups either.
So we finally sort out what we're doing today and what we're not, give the dog his vaccine and treat his ear and let him off the table. Then comes the getting money from Ditz and Husband. Bill is $126.83. Ditz has $100, Husband has $20. Long discussion about borrowing money from husband and she'll pay him back and he doesn't have any more cash on him and it's not that he doesn't trust her to pay him back, it's that he doesn't have it. So Ditz wants to know if we can bill her. No, we want paid. You were told that when you made the appointment in the first place, and reminded again when you rescheduled, and you knew it when you dropped the dog off. We take checks and credit cards too. So Ditz ransacks her purse and starts counting change. The receptionist repeats the total amount at least 6 times and the woman cannot seem to grasp the concept of eighty-three cents. She counts to $.60 3 times before the receptionist takes the change and counts it out for her. We finally get the whole crew of insanity out the door 40 minutes after we were supposed to be closed for the day.
