draggonlaady

So I want to tell you all about my evening, but for you to truly appreciate it, you need some background on a client. "Dingbat" has been to the clinic several times. The first time I saw her, we were examining her daughter's pregnant Mastiff. We took one x-ray to try and get a puppy count. Dingbat and daughter declined a second x-ray despite an explanation including show-and-tell of why we cannot get a giant breed dog's entire uterus on one film. We told her the dog would have at least 7 pups. 3 days later, the dog had 11. Dingbat was moderately annoyed that I had not told her exactly how many pups the dog was going to have.

Three weeks ago, Dingbat presented her mid-pregnancy pug as an after-hours emergency for acute abdominal pain, lethargy, and pale mucous membranes. Exam and one x-ray later, I tell her that the dog has symmetrical air pockets in the caudal (hind) abdomen, but without taking another picture, I cannot tell her if the air is in the intestines or the uterus. Because the pups are not developed enough to have calcified skeletons yet, we cannot give a puppy count, or be absolutely sure of which lumps are puppy and which are intestine. Can we take another picture? Dingbat asks how much she already owes for the night--$75 for the emergency fee, and $45 for the first picture--and then will not let me take a second picture (at $25!) to better define the problem. She wants to know if an enema will help. Not if it's in the uterus. Well, why can't you tell if it's in the uterus? I JUST EXPLAINED THIS!!! Deep breath. Explain again. Dingbat argues, and brings up the puppy count from the mastiff. Explain again, with demonstration of size of dog vs. size of film why we can't get an accurate count on one film for a dog that outweighs me. Can we take a second picture now? no. Explain to Dingbat that gas in intestines is probably just uncomfortable but gas in uterus is potentially fatal because it probably means rotting puppies. Can we take another picture? no. Owner takes dog home on antibiotics.

Fast forward to tonight:

At 5 minutes to 5, we get a call from a nice, older couple who live approximately 20 minutes drive north of the clinic. They request that I come out and euthanize a very old Saint Bernard that they cannot lift into the truck. So I load myself, my gear, and my tech into the truck and start driving about quarter after. At 5:25, a woman calls who does not identify herself. Asks for Dr. M. I tell her that it's his night off, he's not here. She asks again if she can talk to him. I say no, he's not here. "So there's no way I can talk to him?" "Well, if you have his home number, you can call him, but I don't know it, and if you need something, he's just going to tell you to call me. What can I help you with?" Heavy sigh on other end of line before she starts telling me her problem. Pug is in labor--started at 4:00. (At this point, I figure out who it is, despite her not ever telling me.) She says she can feel the puppy's feet but can't tell if they're front or back, cannot feel a head or tail, or how big the pup is. Wants to know if she can give oxytocin to induce stronger contractions because the bitch isn't pushing very hard. I explain that yes, she can give oxytocin but if the pup is mal-positioned or too large, that won't help and might make matters worse. Dingbat wants to know what else there is to do. I tell her we can do a c-section (she really already knows this, because we DID a c-section on THIS dog LAST year). She doesn't want to do a c-section. Fine, give the dog oxytocin. But if it doesn't work, the sooner we get her to surgery, the better for the pups inside. Well then, can we do surgery RIGHT NOW? No, we can do surgery in 45 minutes to an hour, when I get back from the call I'm driving towards right now...I can only be in one place at one time. Well can't you call Dr. M in to do the surgery then? NO I CANNOT IT'S HIS FUCKING NIGHT OFF (phrased much more politely... hope the owner doesn't hear the tech laughing her ass off in the passenger seat). I'll call her back when I leave this call, and am heading back to the clinic--in the meantime, if she wants to give oxytocin that's fine.

At 5:35, Dingbat calls back (identifies herself this time!), wants to know how much Oxytocin to give. I tell her 0.25 cc. How much is that in a syringe? (What the fuck? can't you read the numbers?) That would be between the second and third line on a 3cc syringe. "So about a quarter of a cc?" (Oh my good god in heaven, did you take math in school?!) yes, exactly a quarter of a cc. Ok, and she hangs up again.

Get to the home of the Saint Bernard, all goes as expected, load gear and tech back into truck, call Dingbat as I drive out. An unidentified man answers the phone (I'm pretty sure Dingbat isn't married, so maybe this is the son-in-law?). Pug's had 2 pups now, she's fine, bye, click. Right...that was polite. Any bets on whether I get to do a c-section on this dog in the middle of the night when she gets hung up on the fourth pup?

5 minutes later, at quarter after 6, phone rings again--new number, thankfully. "When did your office close tonight?" "Uh... (quick clock check) an hour and 17 minutes ago." "Oh. Ok." click. What the fuck was that? she had to have called the clinic and listened to the message (which gives the clinic hours) to have gotten the emergency phone number...so why call the emergency line to ask when we closed when you already know we are? and why call and NOT ask the question you apparently had? yeah...

So I drop the tech back off at her car, and go home. Sit down to check my email, contemplate a nap so I'm rested for the midnight section I'm expecting.

Phone rings--"Nice Lady" with a chesapeake that probably didn't drink any of that antifreeze, but what can we do in case he did? explain the way antifreeze works, the treatments, the cost for treatment, and the consequences if he did drink it and doesn't get treated. She'll bring the dog in, just in case. I call my tech..."Dear God, do I even WANT to know?" "It wasn't Dingbat, if that helps. Do you have any vodka? All I have is Amaretto." Several seconds of laughter later, we're both on the way to the clinic, she's bringing whiskey.

While waiting at the clinic (it's about 8pm now), the phone rings. Tech answers--person on the other end of the line is not at all surprised that someone answers at this hour, and IS surprised that there'll be an emergency fee if she brings something in. She has a dog that has been laying on it's side twitching and barely responsive ALL DAY LONG, not drinking or eating anything, what should she do? Tech says "you should bring the dog in." Cheapskate doesn't want to do that because it'll cost extra. Fine, give the dog some water and see if it vomits it up. If it does, bring the dog in, if it doesn't then continue watching the dog twitch until it gets worse (yet again, I'm set up for a midnight call), or gets better, or tomorrow during office hours.

Nice Lady shows up with Nice Dog, we weigh him, give him some hydrogen peroxide to drink and then sift through the vomit when he brings the hydrogen peroxide back up. Nothing green and glowing, just some grass. Very likely Nice Dog has not ingested any antifreeze--but Nice Lady says go ahead with treatment just in case (I LOVE THIS WOMAN!). We put a catheter in Nice Dog, and start fluids while waiting for him to stop vomiting.

While waiting, we hear some noise from outside the clinic--Here's one of our frequent-flyer clients, "Crazy But Sweet", dropping off a cow for us to look at tomorrow morning. Since we're here anyway, we chat about how the evening's going, and invite her in for a cup of coffee. Tech explains why the whiskey's sitting out, and offers to put a dollop in the coffee. Crazy But Sweet accepts and we have a nice conversation about animals in general and the week in particular while I fill out my charts and keep an eye on Nice Dog.

When his vomiting stops, we give Nice Dog a healthy shot of whiskey. Nice Dog appreciated the hydrogen peroxide much more than the whiskey, which is one more reason on my list of why not to take shots of cheap whiskey--the stuff we give to intentionally cause vomiting tastes better! Stop fluids and put dog in a kennel after letting him out to pee.

Cheapskate calls--I answer the phone this time. Twitchy has not vomited water back up. Should she keep giving more water? Explain that if dog is as bad as she's describing it would really be better to bring it in, but if she absolutely can't, then yes, she can continue giving the dog a few teaspoons of water every half an hour or so for the next couple hours.

So now I'm home for a quick bite of dinner, updating my journal, and as soon as I post this, I'm back to the clinic to check on Nice Dog. And I may be back twice more tonight. And it's not even a full moon.